solid scotsman
01-13-2011, 04:12 PM
A Scotsman walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.
The Scotsman man shouts ' Awa ye feel hoor thatās full Oā coos Sharn'
(Don't drink the water, it's full of cow s ** t.)
The man shouts back 'I'm English, Speak English, I don't understand you'.
The Scotsman man shouts back 'Use both hands, you'll get more in.'
A blond cop pulls a blond driver over for speeding. As she struts up to the side of the car, she notices the driver's looking confused. She asks, "excuse me mam, you were speeding. I'm gonna need to see your license". The driver blond looks confused, "License?"
The blond cop replies, "Ummm yeah, you know like that little thing that goes in your purse that has your picture on it?"
The driver starts rummaging through her purse.
Suddenly, the driver pulls out a compact, opens it, and sees her face in its mirror. "Oh, you must mean this."
She hands it over to the blond cop.
The cop opens the compact and looks in the mirror, "Oh, I didn't know you were a cop! I'm sorry, you can go."
Two Irishmen are out fishing in the middle of a lake when one notices a bottle floating up. He grabs it (thinking only the best) and opens it preparing for a swig. Instead a leprechaun pops out. It offers to grant them one wish. Before the second Irishman can say anything, the first blurts out, "I weesh that the whole lake wauld tarn to Guinness!" Just like that, the leprechan vanished and the men were surrounded by a lake of stout. Suddenly, the second Irishman starts bawling out the first. "What didja go and do that for? Now we have to pee in the boat!"
The Scotsman man shouts ' Awa ye feel hoor thatās full Oā coos Sharn'
(Don't drink the water, it's full of cow s ** t.)
The man shouts back 'I'm English, Speak English, I don't understand you'.
The Scotsman man shouts back 'Use both hands, you'll get more in.'
A blond cop pulls a blond driver over for speeding. As she struts up to the side of the car, she notices the driver's looking confused. She asks, "excuse me mam, you were speeding. I'm gonna need to see your license". The driver blond looks confused, "License?"
The blond cop replies, "Ummm yeah, you know like that little thing that goes in your purse that has your picture on it?"
The driver starts rummaging through her purse.
Suddenly, the driver pulls out a compact, opens it, and sees her face in its mirror. "Oh, you must mean this."
She hands it over to the blond cop.
The cop opens the compact and looks in the mirror, "Oh, I didn't know you were a cop! I'm sorry, you can go."
Two Irishmen are out fishing in the middle of a lake when one notices a bottle floating up. He grabs it (thinking only the best) and opens it preparing for a swig. Instead a leprechaun pops out. It offers to grant them one wish. Before the second Irishman can say anything, the first blurts out, "I weesh that the whole lake wauld tarn to Guinness!" Just like that, the leprechan vanished and the men were surrounded by a lake of stout. Suddenly, the second Irishman starts bawling out the first. "What didja go and do that for? Now we have to pee in the boat!"